I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize