The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
