why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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