Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
