i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
