I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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