then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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