if i can run in heels then i can drive
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
