i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
