All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
