God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
