Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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