If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
