let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
