i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
