when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
