i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
