ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
whose parrot is this?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
