whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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