yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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