I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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