I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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