Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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