i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
