Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
