based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
