I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
