can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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