Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
