? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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