she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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