dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
