Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
