If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
