Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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