we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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