I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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