If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
