I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
