okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
organizing the empties. That sober.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
