i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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