i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
