So drunk its hurt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
