barbara walters just said penis...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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