I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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