Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
