The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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