Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So. Much. Porn.
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