He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
