I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
where are my eyebrows?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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