life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
