i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize