My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
