may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
