fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
