we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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