Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
