We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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