I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
