Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think a kid would responsible me up
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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