my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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