Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
