Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
