i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've blown a few things in my day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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