I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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