the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
as a side note pls kill me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
