i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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